April 2010
30 posts
Bus being hit by a 14 year old boy! →
It’s interesting watching what the boys already on the roadside end up doing. They obviously *know* that they shouldn’t be there. And as for the lad who was the casualty, well, 1 second earlier and his head would have been squished by the wheels on the bus going round and round. The bus company should prosecute him for compensation for the damage to the bus and the driver’s trauma. Arse.
Will...
Question: What do you remember of Gary Glitter's release date?
Answer: She was called Mei Li, aged 12 from Haiphong.
Merseyside's Monochrome Men
It’s always been a mystery to me as to why when the prettiness of summer has given way through the shades of autumn to the bleak dark greyness of winter, that humans seem to copy this. You’d think that during the summer when nature is making all around us vivid and exciting that we’d want to take second place to this by wearing uncluttered plain colours. More importantly, when...
How likely is my bluetooth headset to work again?
The additional information you need: It fell off my ear and into the loo.
It would have been ok on my ear, but for the sudden jerking motion I had to make which made it fall. The toilet seat was ‘up’ as per a man’s needs, but it never stays up properly apparently. Without warning, it fell, hitting a part of my body very violently. Hence my involuntary sudden jerking movement which caused the...
You got Alzheimers?
This is supposedly a REAL neurological test. Even if it isn’t, at least it’s fun. Sit comfortably and calmly, and then answer these three questions within 30 seconds……
1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
“Fecking disgusting - 150 different languages spoken in Reading, Berkshire, and...”
– Christopher England just mused that!
Empty skies, happier people?
Did the disruption to European airspace caused by the Eyjafjallajoekull (how on earth does one actually pronounce that?) volcano spewing out its ashes into the atmosphere of Sol 3 (Earth) change people? There will be folks who have lived all their lives in the path of an approach to or departure from an airport runway and have known nothing beyond the noise of aircraft taking off or landing every...
Situation 1: A man threatens a woman with death if she doesn't lay still whilst he rapes her. He penetrates her, has relatively gentle sex with her to ejaculation, withdraws and sets her free having left no physical damage.
Situation 2: A woman is beaten and held down whilst being systematically penetrated by a number of objects, some of which are used with such force that she is physically damaged to the point where she is in need of considerable medical attention. At no time is she entered by a man's penis.
Question: Which is the more horrendous event?
Men: Usually pick Situation 2.
Women: Usually pick Situation 1.
Why?
“If people are buying greasy unhealthy deep-fried ‘fast’ food from the takeaways...”
– Christopher England just chewed the fat about that!
Radio is a patchwork blanket
I’ve mentioned before my obsession with radio. I split music radio into two main components, and when asked to describe it, I have said you need to think about a patchwork quilt or blanket. A patchwork blanket is made up from a collection of different chunks or bits that are carefully stitched together in order to create the single larger entity which is a, erm, blanket.
Music radio should...
Them: You sound muffled.
Me: Muffled?
Them: Yeah! Really quiet and like you are talking from behind a blanket.
Me: I'm just talking normally as I always do.
Them: You're stalking Norman and you're in the loo?
Me: No, I'm... Let me call you back in a while.
Them: You've a bat on the Nile? What are you talking about, man?
Me: CALL ... YOU ... LATER!
Them: Congratulate her? Congratulate who?
Me: {click}
[Time passes]
Them: Hello.
Me: Can you hear me ok now?
Them: Yes, fine, brilliant. What on earth was wrong before?
Me: Would you believe it? I just poked around at the microphone socket of this trusty mobile and pulled out a whole load of belly-button fluff!
Them: Mobiles with their own belly button fluff. Fantastic.
Me: Why, like ours, is it always blue? I think we should be told!
A need for a common ground
This lovely place, christopherengland.com or “England’s England” as I call it, serves a purpose for me. It allows me to provide one ‘thing’ a day for others to maybe enjoy or to ponder. Those ‘things’ that I provide range from the stupid and the pointless through to the important and darn right scary glimpse into what’s really going on out there.
...
A good roasting
What a completely excellent idea the “Comedy Roasting” series on Channel 4 was. I suppose it could be seen as a modernising of the awful ‘This is your life’ programme, and bringing it into a more succinct youthful context.
Basically, a ‘roasting’ is people taking the piss out of somebody who isn’t there. Meanwhile, this ‘comedy roasting’ was...
Grand National Annual Cull
We should congratulate the humans that decided to operate a sort of ‘natural selection’ system for the culling of old horses. It’s so much better than letting these horses linger on enjoying life and using up food and water which could go to the fitter.
I suppose we do rejoice nationally as the annual cull starts at Aintree. People even wear special celebratory funeral hats and respectful...
The Rust Revenge, why bother
(A revisit to an article I penned some long years ago, republished here unaltered. But, hey, is it still relevant today?)
Many years ago, before land-based sensible attitudes to radio broadcasting were invented, people used boats as a vehicle to house studios and transmitters in order to become a radio station without paying copyright fees, applying for a license, or respecting any UK laws or...
Will journos lie to us to influence the Election?
How can the mainstream media possibly be fair and objective during this Election campaign? Ok, amongst the national print media there are ‘main’ newspapers that have already come out, or have always been out on the ‘side’ of the left or the right, but they, strange as it may seem, are actually in the minority. The real question is how we can expect objective reporting...
Don't like it? It's time to Lumpit.com
It wasn’t so long ago that Britain was naturally very conservative, even when it wasn’t Conservative. The old Britain had its glaring faults but the ruling classes and ‘true-Brits’ and the stiff upper-lips were not those of the liberals or those leaning to the left of the political spectrum.
For a long period of time the ‘conservative’ way was the...
Hitler & Goebbels have just been found in...
Hitler: Fools! You can't stop the rise of the Third Richt even if you arrest us.
Arresting Officer: Come along now, sir.
Hitler: We will rise again and this time we will kill 10 billion Jews and 2 postmen!
Arresting Officer: Two postmen?
Hitler: See, Goebbels? I told you nobody cares about the fucking Jews...
“Hmmm. I’m wondering when the Christians will try to assassinate Barak Obama....”
– Christopher England just asked that!
March 2010
31 posts
